I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
