and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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