she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
