Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize