i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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