my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
