Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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