you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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