Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
operation have a gay friend backfired
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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