I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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