did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
