Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
