I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
