I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Drunk is a universal language darling
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
