Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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