there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
