I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
