They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
