You're completely useless in the revolution.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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