If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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