How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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