we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
