i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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