So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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