i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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