Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
