Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
