have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize