i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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