he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
