I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
