need another drink. this is the easiest way
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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