dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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