Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
