it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
