She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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