Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
