you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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