i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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