i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
