Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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