I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize