Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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