I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
