Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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