My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
