My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
smell my finger.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
