We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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