I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
