I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
