me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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