I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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