dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
