its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize