I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
