She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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