We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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