was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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