Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
