I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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