im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
