She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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