I just gift wrapped bread.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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