fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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