I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize