some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
