just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
