I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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