Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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