Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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