So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
