even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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