I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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