you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
