I'm gonna have a badass scar
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Randomize
