I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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