We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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