I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize