i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
