bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
