i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
