dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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