then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
