see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
