if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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