He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just had sex on a roof
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
