Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
