I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
