So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hippo gnu deer
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
