I'm gonna have a badass scar
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
