I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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