i just sent this text using only my big toe
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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