guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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