Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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