I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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