kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
NoShamevember. You game?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
