the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
