Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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